ERNEST HOWARD SHEPARD, MC OBE (1879-1976)

MANNERS AND MODES FOR THE YOUNG 
WHY NOT A JUVENILE DERBY ON THE BROAD WALK? THE GREAT SHEIK HARRISON'S FARM
LADY VISITOR: SO THE OTHER CHILDREN HAVE HAD MEASLES. WHAT HAVE YOU HAD, MICHAEL?
MICHAEL (PROUDLY): QUALANTINE RATHER PLEASED WITH OUR COMBINED EFFORTS JOAN (HER FIRST EXPERIENCE OF THE CORNISH FOAM) JOAN DOESN'T LIKE THE SEA, IT LOOKS SO SOAPY!
LIZZIE ARRIVED IN A FOUR WHEELER SNEAKING AS CLOSE AS I DARED STRANDED TRAVELLER (MILES FROM ANYWHERE). 'EXCUSE ME, BUT MY CAR HAS BROKEN DOWN. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FORDS?'
PASSING MOTORIST. 'AWFULLY SORRY. I'M AFRAID I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FORD; EXCEPT, OF COURSE, TWO FRIGHTFULLY FUNNY STORIES.'
SHE FLUNG HER ARMS ABOUT HIS NECK
THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE OUR HECTIC HEADLINES.
GRANNY: 'HEY DEAR CHILD, PLEASE BE CAREFUL GOING HOME, I SEE IN A VERY BIG PRINT HERE THAT THERE'S SUCH A LOT OF THIS SWEEP STAKE FEVER ABOUT' HINTS FOR MR LANSBURY. AN 'ALL WELCOME' POLO CLUB
GENIAL VENTRILOQUIST-CONJURER. 'NOW IS THERE ANY SPECIAL TRICK YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO DO, CHILDREN?'
LITTLE WILLIE. 'OH, PLEASE COULD YOU MAKE A WHITE RABBIT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, WITHOUT MOVING YOUR LIPS, AND PRETEND IT CAME FROM AUNTIE'S?' PAMELA: 'HOW'S YOUR WIFE, PETER?'
PETER: 'SHE DIED LAST TUESDAY'
PAMELA: 'ARE YOU SORRY?'
PETER: 'SORRY? OF COURSE I'M SORRY, I LIKED THE WOMAN.'
JAMES PRESSED SOME FERNS FOR GREAT-AUNT GEORGINA
SOMETHING FOR UNCLE WHAT'S-HIS-NAME BEGINNER'S LUCK CHILD OF SHINGLED HOUSE (ATTENDING VISITOR'S TOILET):
TO BRIGHTEN THE MODERN PICTURE-SHOW, COULD NOT PEOPLE BE PERSUADED TO POSE IN FRONT OF THEIR OWN PORTRAITS? SMALL SON OF ARTIST (MAKING THE MOST OF PARENTS' TEMPORARY ABSENCE): STILL-LIFE STUDY OF MINE OF ENGINE AND GUARD'S VAN. JUST A POT-BOILER, YOU KNOW. SAFETY FIRST
HOW TO DEFEAT MOTOR THIEVES WHEN PARKING YOUR CAR
GAVE ME A LESSON IN BOXING THE GENERAL MAKES A WOOL MAT FOR HIS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW THE STORY OF ROBERT AND THE TELEPHONE:
WITH THUMPING HEART POOR ROBERT FLED
BACK TO HIS SAFE AND FRIENDLY BED
AGE AND YOUTH
SMALL BOY EMILY EMBROIDERED A SMOKING-CAP FOR THE MAJOR AUNT (NOT A RUGBY EXPERT, INDICATING FULL BACK):
MILDRED WORKED SLIPPERS FOR THE CURATE ELDERLY NOVICE: LET ME SEE-THIS IS THE NINTH. YES-A VERY THICKY ZIG ZAG ONE. IT'S WHAT THEY CALL A GATE-LEGGED HOLE.
YOUNG NOVICE: DON'T YOU MEAN DOG'S-EARED?
WE ALL LANDED IN THE STREAM WHILE HARRY BOLDLY SENT A PAIR OF GLOVES TO VIOLET A JOLLY HOUSEHOLD THOUGH RATHER NOISY
SMALL BOY (TOYING WITH DULL BLANC-MANGE): SETTLED DOWN TO AN EXCHANGE OF HIGHLY COLOURED BADINAGE
ETHEL ACTED AS CONJURER A JUMPER FOR BROTHER JOHN VERY YOUNG PLUTOCRAT (LEFT IN THE CAR WHILE HIS PARENTS PAY A CALL). 'THE PENNY BAZAAR, JOHN.'
RIDING IS SO POPULAR THAT IT WILL SOON BE A PROBLEM FINDING SUFFICIENT MOUNTS THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE MOTOR-PRAM AT KENSINGTON
CHRISTENING CUP DAY AY THE ROUND POND TRACK WELL SET
(THE UNION OF SOUTH AFRICA ALSO CELEBRATES ITS SILVER JUBILEE THIS YEAR)
UNCLE: 'AH! ROBERT, I SEE YOU COLLECT CIGARETTE CARDS.'
ROBERT: 'YES, UNCLE, I DO, BUT FROM PURELY AESTHETIC INTERESTS.' THE GREAT FLOWER SHOW; OR, GARDENERS' GRIEF.
MR DUFF COOPER. 'I WISH I COULD GET MINE TO LOOK LIKE SOME OF THE FOREIGN EXHIBITS.' THE SUPER-PATRIOT. LORD ROTHERMERE (TO THE BRITISH LION) 
'GO AWAY AND HIDE! YOU MUST SEE THAT YOU ARE ONLY ANNOYING THIS KIND GENTLEMAN'
LONDON LANDSCAPE
RIGID DERRICKS RANKING
ON THE SKY-FALL'S PURPLE CANOPY... DISPENSED HOSPITALITY THAT EVENING TO A GLASSY-EYED STIFF-KNEED CIRCLE
THE ROOM WAS VERY STILL AS I APPROACHED THE BUREAU THE MURDER RE-ENACTED SET OF TEA-THINGS IN THE TOY-SHOP WINDOW
AND MADE CAPTURE OF HIM BUT ALL THE SAME YOU GIVE THEM A GOOD TALKING THEN HE WAS CALLED UPON FOR TRICKS JUGGLING ETC
I IN MY SUNDAY KNICKERBOCKERS SHE IN HER PINK AND SPANGLES THE MUMMERS DIG MY GARDEN RIGHT OVER FROM END TO END
TURNED UPON AND SAVAGELY MALTREATED HIM BUT I LINGERED A MOMENT - IN THE STILL FROSTY AIR THE COUNCILLOR HAD TO DANCE WITH IT
GRASSES, TWIGS, AND CONES WE FOUND -
FIRES THEY'LL MAKE TO PLAY AROUND RECTORY VISIT
THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT
THAT PARTICULAR SMOKE HAS RATHER MEDICINAL PROPERTIES THE REAPER 'THEY'LL NEVER WEAR OUT, MY DEAR,' SHE SAID
SAID IT WAS NOT HIS DAUGHTER   

ERNEST HOWARD SHEPARD, MC OBE (1879-1976)

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